


Home is Nowhere

by AshKnight



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kara Danvers Needs Therapy, Suicidal Thoughts, This fic is stupid depressing I am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23184187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshKnight/pseuds/AshKnight
Summary: After being together for months and even moving in together, Lena finds out that Kara is Supergirl.  Things take a nosedive.  (This is super depressing, guys... I'm so sorry.)  Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 15
Kudos: 121





	Home is Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> Recent breakup has spawned this depressing piece of garbage. Sorry...

"I can't stand you."

Kara freezes. She wants to rip off the Supergirl suit and throw it away. It's ruined everything.

"Lena—" Kara tries desperately, verbally grasping at straws to make her partner stay.

"Get out."

The Kryptonian's heart clenches tightly, constricting in her ribcage, and she briefly wonders where Lena is keeping the rest of her Kryptonite.

 _Stop,_ she tells herself. _Don't go there._

But here it all is, falling apart. And not even at the seams. It's being torn open like a package someone tears up to get inside.

Everything she's ever wanted is gone now. Every dream she's ever had is lost, and it's all her own fault. She knows, right in that moment, that Lena will never forgive her.

This is quickly confirmed when Lena's stoic, emotionless expression – which is almost worse than her yelling – twists into a scowl.

"I said, get the _fuck_ out!"

They've been living together for three months now. Living their lives, together. Being each other's rock. Now—

But Kara is torn from her thoughts and lamenting what they'd had – what they'd been building – when Lena lets out a scream of fury and Kara suddenly feels the pressure of something small and metal being thrown in her face.

When she takes a step back and looks down, hearing the clattering of the metal object hitting the tiled kitchen floor, she sees it: the engagement ring she'd given Lena months ago.

Kara's heart stops and flies up into her throat, blocking any words that might have come out. She doesn't know what to say anyway. There's nothing she _can_ say.

When Kara turns to leave, though, Lena orders her, "Take it with you."

The hero shakes her head. She wants to say, 'I won't,' but she can't make a sound. Instead, she ignores Lena's order and makes her way onto the balcony, where she lifts off and takes flight, towards her own apartment.

Her sister is waiting for her there, and Kara doesn't know if she's glad for this or disappointed that she has to deal with another person. Right now, she just wants to fall apart, and she doesn't want anyone else to see it happen. She doesn't bend or break for anyone.

Anyone except Lena.

Her best friend. Her former partner. Her ex-fiancé.

As soon as the apartment door is shut behind her, Kara bursts into tears. She can't hold it back anymore.

"Kill me," she sobs, falling to her knees. "Kill me, Alex."

Her sister's eyes go wide with shock, and she finds herself unsure of what to say. What _can_ she say? Not much. Maybe Kara just needs to feel this, to move through it.

So all Alex says is, "I've got you," as she drops to her knees beside her sister and wraps the woman in her arms.

"She threw the ring at me," Kara whimpers.

She's still in her super suit, so Alex says, "I'm sorry. Let's get you out of the suit and get you to bed, okay? I know you're probably emotionally drained and need rest right now. Maybe a cup of hot chocolate?"

"I don't want hot chocolate. I just want to sleep," the hero tells her sister honestly. "Forever."

"Kara… You don't really mean that," Alex protests, looking devastated to hear the pain in Kara's voice.

"Don't. Don't tell me what I mean," Kara snaps, pulling away. "Because I _do_ mean it, Alex."

"Kara, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself."

"What are you gonna do to stop me, Alex?" Kara threatens. "You know you can't."

"Kara! Please. Please, don't talk like that."

"Did you want me to lie to you?"

Biting her lip, Alex shakes her head and confesses, "No. Please, don't lie to me. But… please don't hurt yourself. I need you, Kara. I can't do this without you."

"You have to."

"No, I don't! You don't have to—"

"I think you should go."

"Kara! Don't do this," Alex pleads. "I'm not leaving you alone right now."

"Alright. Then I'll leave."

Alex grabs her sister's arm, but Supergirl tears it away and finally rises to her feet, angrier and more determined than anything now, and wipes her eyes.

"Take care of our friends, Alex. And look out for Lena."

"Kara, don't!"

But Supergirl is gone, using super speed to fly down the stairs of the apartment building and out on to the street. She doesn't care if anyone sees her. She doesn't care about anything anymore.

So Kara does the thing she promised herself she wouldn't do: betrays Lena's trust again. This time by breaking into her stash of weapons. She knows Lena too well, and that means she knows where Lena would hide the Kryptonite.

But when she looks, where she's _sure_ it'll be, it's not there.

It's gone.

Kara screams. A loud, unbridled, agonized scream that could crack windows, if there were any.

"FUCK!" she shouts, slamming her fists on the nearest metal table and crushing it in half.

Then, she pauses, feeling hot, angry tears fill her eyes.

Lena had gotten rid of it. It's not hidden. It would've been here. So… She didn't want Kara hurt. Not her body, not her feelings. She really cared.

Then, the stinging sensation sets in, and Kara lets her tears fall. Lena probably wishes she had the Kryptonite now. So does Kara.

Besides, if she died by Lena's hand, she'd probably die happy, just to see her face again.

But now, dying is out of the question. And Kara is furious.

So, she decides to hide. Decides to run and isolate and never come back. She decides to relinquish her powers, and her role as Supergirl. What's the point, anyway? Lena can do this on her own. She doesn't need Kara anymore.

As much as she hates to disappoint Alex – that's the hardest part about all of this – Kara disappears.

The quaint, abandoned cabin she finds in the woods, a thousand miles away, is a relatively safe place for her to hide out. Not even Alex would find her there. It was far away, it was random, and she was telling no one. Off the grid completely.

Days go by without food or water. Mostly, she lays on a cot and cries, lamenting the loss of her family. She wishes she could starve herself, but her body is forever strong. A gift she no longer wants. A reality she rejects.

All she can think about is how pathetic she is for not being able to get her shit together. But what's the point anyway? She was living for Lena. Lena was the only thing that made her feel alive again. The only thing that made her feel at home.

Now, home is nowhere.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, breakups make me write terrible, terrible things...


End file.
